Have you ever watched the show Succession?

You know, the one where the kids are fighting, backstabbing, and essentially tearing the family apart over the father’s empire? It makes for great TV, but it’s a nightmare scenario for real life.

I used to think that “generational wealth” was strictly a numbers game. I thought if you just hired the right financial advisor, bought the right stocks, and set up a trust fund, your kids and grandkids would be set for life.

But then I started noticing a pattern. I saw families with massive bank accounts who couldn’t stand to be in the same room for Thanksgiving dinner. I saw inheritances that acted more like dynamite than a safety net, blowing up relationships the moment the money changed hands.

I felt stuck. How do you pass on what you’ve built without ruining the people you love?

That’s when I picked up Michael A. Cole’s More Than Money: A Guide to Sustaining Wealth and Preserving the Family.

Reading this book didn’t feel like reading a dry financial manual. It felt like sitting down with a wise mentor who whispered, “Hey, the money is actually the easy part. The hard part is the human stuff.” It completely shifted my perspective from being an investor to being a steward.

Why Should You Even Bother Reading It?

You might be thinking, “I don’t have a private jet or a skyscraper, so this isn’t for me.”

Stop right there.

While Michael Cole comes from the world of ultra-high-net-worth families, the principles in this book apply to anyone who plans to leave anything behind to their children. Whether you’re passing down a multi-million dollar business, a family vacation cabin, or just a modest savings account, the risks are the same.

This book is for parents who worry their kids won’t have the grit to succeed on their own. It’s for the “heirs” who feel the weight of expectation. And it’s for anyone who wants their family legacy to be defined by love and shared values, not just a checkbook.

The Blueprint for a Legacy That Lasts

Before we dive into the specific strategies, we need to look at the big picture. Cole argues that most families fail to preserve wealth because they treat the family like a casual hang-out, but they should be treating the “business of the family” with the same rigor as the business that made the money in the first place.

Here are the core principles that will reshape how you think about your legacy.

1. The “Shirtsleeves to Shirtsleeves” Trap

There is an old proverb that exists in almost every culture. In America, we say, “Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.” In Japan, it’s “Rice paddies to rice paddies.”

The concept is simple but terrifying. The first generation works hard to build the wealth. The second generation maintains it (but often lives high on the hog). The third generation, having never seen the struggle, spends it all and returns to zero.

Think of it like building a sandcastle right at the tide line.

If you build a magnificent castle (wealth) but don’t build a sea wall (governance and education) or check the tide charts (strategy), the ocean is going to wash it away. It doesn’t matter how beautiful the castle is; the environment will destroy it.

Cole points out that 70% of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation, and 90% lose it by the third.

The reason isn’t bad investment returns or market crashes. It’s almost always a breakdown in trust and communication within the family. The heirs aren’t prepared, and the family doesn’t know how to make decisions together.

Simple Terms: Making money is hard, but keeping it in the family is statistically much harder because families fight and drift apart.

The Takeaway: You cannot rely on the money to take care of itself; you must actively plan against the natural tendency for wealth to dissipate over generations.

2. Redefining Wealth – The Five Capitals

If I asked you to define your “Net Worth,” you’d probably open a spreadsheet and sum up your cash, stocks, and real estate.

Cole argues that this is a dangerous oversimplification. If you only focus on the money, you are trying to sit on a one-legged stool. Eventually, you’re going to tip over.

To sustain a family, you need to nurture Five Capitals:

1. Financial Capital: The money and assets.
2. Human Capital: The physical and emotional well-being of the family members.
3. Intellectual Capital: The education, life experiences, and knowledge of the group.
4. Social Capital: The family’s reputation and connection to the community.
5. Spiritual Capital: The shared values and beliefs that bind you together.

Imagine you are tending a garden.

Financial capital is just the water. If you water a garden but the soil has no nutrients (Intellectual), there is no sunlight (Spiritual), and the plants are diseased (Human), the garden dies—no matter how much water you dump on it.

A real-world example of this is a family that uses their money to fund a “Family University.” Instead of just handing out cash allowances, they use the funds to pay for travel, advanced degrees, or seed money for the kids to start their own businesses. They are converting Financial Capital into Intellectual and Human Capital.

📖 “True wealth is not just the balance sheet. It is the human, intellectual, social, and spiritual capital that truly defines a family’s richness.”

Simple Terms: Being “rich” isn’t just about money; it’s about having healthy, smart, connected, and principled family members.

The Takeaway: You must invest in your family members’ personal growth just as aggressively as you invest in the stock market.

3. The Family Mission Statement

Most businesses have a mission statement. They know why they exist (e.g., “To organize the world’s information”).

Most families, however, are just “winging it.” They assume that because they share DNA, they share values. This is a massive mistake. When the patriarch or matriarch passes away, the glue that held everyone together dissolves.

Think of your family as a ship at sea.

If you don’t have a compass or a destination (a Mission Statement), every time a storm hits (a financial crisis or a family argument), the ship will spin in circles or crash into the rocks.

Cole emphasizes the need to sit down—literally, in a room—and articulate what the family stands for.

For example, the Rockefeller family is famous for having regular family meetings where they reinforce their core values of philanthropy and stewardship. They aren’t just a group of people with the same last name; they are a team with a shared goal of impacting the world. This shared purpose keeps them united even when they disagree on minor things.

Simple Terms: You need to write down exactly what your family believes in and what you want your legacy to accomplish.

The Takeaway: A shared vision acts as a “North Star,” guiding the family through conflicts and ensuring the money serves a purpose higher than just consumption.

4. Governance – The Rules of the Road

The word “governance” sounds boring and corporate. It sounds like guys in suits sitting in a boardroom.

But in the context of a family, governance is simply conflict prevention.

When there is a lot of money involved, things get complicated. Can Cousin Billy borrow $50,000 to start his aspiring DJ career? Can Aunt Sarah use the vacation home for three months straight during peak season?

If you decide these things on the fly, feelings get hurt. People shout. Lawsuits happen.

Think of this like a professional sport versus a playground fight.

In the NBA, there are strict rules. Everyone knows what a foul is. Everyone knows how points are scored. Because the rules are clear, the game can be played at a high level. Without rules, it’s just a chaotic brawl.

Cole suggests creating a “Family Constitution.” This document outlines how decisions are made. Who gets to vote? How do you enter the family business? How do you exit?

A great real-world example is a family that institutes an “Employment Policy.” This policy states that any family member wishing to work in the family business must first work for three years at an outside company and earn a promotion. This rule prevents nepotism and ensures that only competent family members join the leadership, saving the business from incompetence and the family from resentment.

📖 “Governance is not about control; it is about empowerment and creating a framework for decision-making that preserves harmony.”

Simple Terms: You need to set clear rules for how the family interacts with the money before the problems actually arise.

The Takeaway: Structure creates freedom; when everyone knows the rules, they can stop worrying about fairness and focus on their relationships.

5. Preparing the Heirs (Stewardship vs. Ownership)

This is perhaps the most emotional part of the book. How do you give your kids money without ruining their ambition?

Cole distinguishes between Ownership (I have the money, I can buy a Ferrari) and Stewardship (I am taking care of this resource for the next generation).

If you hide the money from your kids and then suddenly drop millions on them when you die, they will be overwhelmed. It’s like handing the keys to a Formula 1 race car to a teenager who has only ever ridden a bicycle. They are going to crash.

The analogy here is “training a puppy.”

You don’t expect a puppy to behave perfectly on day one. You train them. You give them small responsibilities. You correct them gently.

Cole advocates for financial transparency appropriate to the child’s age. Start early.

A practical example is the “Philanthropic Bank.” Give your teenager a budget of $5,000 a year, but tell them they have to research and donate it to a charity of their choice. They have to present their choice to the family. This teaches them due diligence, the value of a dollar, and the joy of giving, all while the stakes are low.

Simple Terms: Don’t hide the wealth; teach your children how to manage it responsibly by giving them practice runs while you are still around to guide them.

The Takeaway: The greatest inheritance you can leave is not the money itself, but the competence and character to manage it.

My Final Thoughts

Honestly, reading More Than Money was a relief.

It took the anxiety out of the future. It made me realize that sustaining wealth isn’t about being a market wizard or predicting the next Bitcoin. It’s about being a better parent, a better communicator, and a more thoughtful leader within my own home.

The book empowers you to stop worrying about the stock market and start focusing on the dinner table conversation. That’s something we can all control.

It changes the definition of success. Success isn’t dying with the most toys. Success is a family that still loves each other, trusts each other, and works together long after the original fortune builder is gone.

Join the Conversation!

Does your family have a “taboo” against talking about money? Do you think knowing about the family finances would have helped or hurt you when you were growing up? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your take.

Frequently Asked Questions (The stuff you’re probably wondering)

1. Is this book only for the ultra-rich?
While the author works with billionaires, the core principles—communication, shared values, and preparing the next generation—apply to anyone with assets. If you have a house, a 401k, and life insurance, you have a “family estate” to manage.

2. Is it full of complex financial jargon?
Not at all. This is a book about psychology, relationships, and governance. It’s about people, not portfolios. You don’t need a finance degree to understand it.

3. Do I need a lawyer to implement these ideas?
Eventually, yes, for drafting official trusts or constitutions. But the hard work—the talking, the vision setting, the values discussion—is something you do yourself. This book helps you do that pre-work before you pay a lawyer by the hour.

4. Can I read this if I’m the “heir” and not the parent?
Absolutely. In fact, it might be a great way to open a conversation with your parents. It can help you understand the pressures they feel and show them that you are interested in stewardship, not just spending.

5. What is the “Family Office” the book talks about?
In the book, a Family Office is a dedicated team that manages a wealthy family’s affairs. However, Cole explains that you can have a “virtual” family office by coordinating your existing accountant, lawyer, and advisor to work together as a team, rather than in silos.